last night, i had the most awful nighmare. i actually woke up crying.
i dreamed that my mom and dad had collectively decided that my dad should DIE. i begged and pleaded with them to change their minds. i cried adn cried and begged dad not to go along with it. but they locked my in a room until about an hour before they were to carry through with it. so, laura,paul, and jenn (why were they the ones to do it?) took my dad out to a field. by this time, i had caught up to them and tried to stand in the way so they didn't hurt him. dad told me not to, then he turned around so i couldn't see his face...i think he was crying. paul held me back, while laura shot him in the back with a pistol. i fell to the ground crying for what seemed like days. then we were back at someone's apartment, laura was accepting money for killing my dad from someone i didn't recognize. i was weeping uncontrollably, and paul, laura and jenn were just standing there as though nothing had happened. jenn had her arms crossed, looking mean 9which is weird cause jenn never looks mean) they said "bye crissy, see you tomorrow at school." all nonchalantly. i looked at them, enraged and said through a deluge of the angriest tears i'd ever cried, "i NEVER want to see any of you again. if you ever come near my family again, i swear to god, i will kill you." suddenly, i was back home in bed sleeping, and john was there....but we were in cy and matt's old room (but it looked like ours here at our apt.) but i couldn't get up. it felt like something was keeping me asleep. everytime i tried to get up to go call my dad to see if it had all been real, i couldn't get up (i think at this point i may actually have been awake and just NYQUILED!)...so then i would go back to sleep and still think my dad was dead. it felt so real.
so, every time i tried to get out of bed and call, i would fall asleep again and be trapped in my house. i would get out of the bedroom door, and my mom, who was no longer my mom, but had transformed into some evil woman(think bernadette peters in the movie/play Annie) after my parents' money--which is weird as my parents don't have much money at all. so everytime i tried to sneak to use the phone to call my dad, she would find me and i couldn't get in touch with him. one time i did, there was a recording of his voice, choked with tears, and it said, "cris, i know you are the only one who will call, so i left this for you. just remember that i will always love you and that this is for the best. honey, don't worry, because one day i know i will see you again, in some bright, shiny place."
i repeated over and over again to myself as the phone fell from my ear, "in some bright, shiny place, in some bright, shiny place." it felt like one of those scenes from those great anime series like cowboy bebop or evangelion where you can only see the bottom half of someone...a very disjointed shot. then i was half awake again, trying to get out of bed...this vicious cycle happened again and again, each time, with me trying to get out of the house. once i got the keys to the car and got out but i couldn't find my dad's house. and then the cops found me with a giant roadblock(??). i have no clue what that was about. another time, i got the phone and left a meassge telling dad to call me just so i knew he was ok...because i didn't know whether or not it had all been a dream. another time the phone rang and the evil woman let the machine pick it up and she didn't know i snuck out to replay it. it was dad returning the message i'd left...it said "i was worried when i got your message...everything's fine, call me back when you get this....honey, is this because you haven't had your medicine?"
so this kept happening over and over, but in all of the rest of the cycles, my dad had been killed. finally, at abot 11:00am, i woke up for real, Nyquil-free for the most part, and was able to grasp reality. i did call my dad, but he wasn't home. i think all is well. i just worry because i have prophetic dreams from time to time...not dreams that are exact. but i will dream my mom has died and call her only to find out she is really sick with flu, etc. another time a dreamed that matt had been eaten by Gremlins, only to find out he had hurt himself pretty badly in a bike accident. coincidence, maybe...but i don't think so.